Welcome to Andie's page!

My name is Andie McBeel, Welcome to my page. I used to post stupid definitions to www.urbandictionary.com until ElBorracho flamed me so bad that I cried and decided to take my cunt-brained ramblings to my own private website that no one will visit.

More about me! I am sure you are dying to know! I'm old, ugly, and I live on Long Island (the shitty island where everyone talks like Janice from “Friends” and wishes they were cool enough to live in NYC). By trade I am a professional call girl (that's clean talk for dirty whore!). I eat nothing but twizzlers and fag newtons all day! For shizzle! Here is a pic of me: (I know you boys are a wonderin' *wink) Now I know you want me! You can call me at 555-SLUT if you want to “make a date” hehe LOL. I bet your wondering how I keep my girlish figure! The secret is, twizzlers and fig newtons. I haven't mentioned it yet but these are my favorite foods. They are good by themselves but so much better after you stick them in your ass and pull them back out. Mmmmm yum yum! Please note that for clients who wish to eat my ass-twizzlers I charge 1$ apiece for the privelege.

On to my pride and Joy....My Peekie Ivie Roze! Peekie is my nickname for my baby daughter. Isn't that cute? Since her nickname is peekie you would imagine this might be because she “peeked” out of my vagina. Actually, had I given birth vaginally she would have just fallen out since I am so loose but on to the REAL HORROR SHOW...get ready to feel sympathy for me! A STUPID JERK rear ended me when I was pregnant! This cuased my to have to give birth early via c-section. For those of you who don't know what that is i think It is where they cut you open above your vagina (or cunny-whole, as it is called in my profession.) Anyway, fortunately Ivie Roze is doing just fine these days. In fact, she turned her first trick just the other day! I know what your thinking, no the guy didn't have sex with her. He just paid $20 to molest her. Twenty Dollarts! That's over three times as much as I make for having sex with a guy! Ivie Roze has a great career ahead of her. Anyway, if you are looking to spend some “quality time” with Ivie Roze, just call the above number. Here is a pic so you can see how hot she is: What a cutie! Did I mention that she was born prematurely due to some A-HOLE rear ending me? Total Horrorshow! But that's my peekie! I LOVE twizzlers!

This is my pet snake Sylvester. He lives in the wide chasm of my anus where I also store my twizzlers and fig newtons. Those two foods are the best! But he doesn't eat them. He preferrs mice so i stick a dozen or so up there every week. You would think I would feel sylvester and all the mice crawling around but actually I don't since my anal cavity is soooo massive and streched out LOL. I love twizzlers! Fo' Shizzle to my peekie roze! I bet the whole Andie Klan is Tearin' by now! Did I mention sylvester had a credit card? I use it to buy fig newtons and twizzzlers, which are the best foods! Not for him, for me, silly!

This is my fiance Al. How did I get such a hunk of a man? Well I didn't really. He is raging gay but needs a coverup wife so his parents don't disinherit him. Plus he says even if he was straight he would'nt fuck my diseased pussy even with someone else's dick. Hehe! What a kidder! LOL! I love twizzlers! Peekie Ivie is the sweetest little whore! What's better than a fig newton? Nothing! Howard stern rules! Al works at a car dealership that specializes in riping off handicapped and mentally ustable people. Did I mention I love howard stern? I had sex with him 4 times. Also I banged ben stiller and then we smoked some crack and shot up some heroin together. That's where he got the inspiration to do the movie permanent midnight. He's not the only celebrity I fucked but i won't kiss and tell on the dozens of other ones. Well, that's all. Thanks for coming to my page! LOL! In closing, I would like to say that you should'dnt feel too much sympathy even though I had to have an agonizing c-section because my peaky ivie roze is alive and pullin in dough. Also, I love twizzlers! They are great. Almost as great as fig netwons! No actually twizzlers are better./ Hmmm on sencond though newtons are better. I can't decide!!! I guess I will just have to eat 2 tons of each so I can keep on being a big fat cow prostitute. THE END ;)